being Miracle on purpose

Someone asked me this week, “Are you happy?” It made me stop in my tracks. Mostly, because no one has ever asked me such a loaded question, and actually cared to hear the answer. I laughed and said. “I’m working on it.” But noted to myself that I would need to flesh this out a bit more. Lying to other people is one thing, lying to myself is an entirely separate thing altogether. If I am being honest with myself, I have experienced all I have prayed for and more. I have some of the most amazing people in my life, a career that fulfills me, and more material blessings than I always know what to do with. By those standards alone, I should be “happy”.

My mom was a woman who claimed to need little from the world, minimal possessions, full of faith, and peaceful. She rested in love as her source of happiness. I found it odd how unphased by life’s challenges, she was. She always had a trick up her sleeve and knew it would work out in the end. We have that in common. Not the part about being unphased by life’s challenges, the “always having a trick up her sleeve” part. Cause I be PHASED y’all! I’m working on it!

As I think more about my happiness, I am almost certain it lies in my sense of freedom. When I feel restricted and boxed into something, I feel stuck, stifled, and bored. I desire to live on my own terms, unconfined by the expectations of others, and thriving doing what I love. I struggle in spaces where I need to be something I am not. So, for a while now, I have decided I will be my authentic self, where I am. Those who get it, respect it. Others? Well, let’s just say they are struggling. I am consistently striving to be the best version of myself and creating situations that allow me to be creative and authentic in my expression. Whether that’s in my career, my relationships, and personal interests.

With this said, I seek to be more present, even as I strive to be better, being grateful for the people I have the honor to share memories with and honoring the struggles in the journey toward my goals. 2019 is going well, I am happy to report! But, like I told my friend, I am working on it…constantly. I think that’s okay.

Are YOU happy?