being Miracle on purpose

The month of May has been a difficult month for me for as long as I can remember. Tracing back to 2011, 8 years ago, when my mom passed away in May, I have always associated May with gloom and doom. Not just that, but I work in higher education. That time of the year happens to be one of the busiest, as college students tend to be struggling the most as the school year ends. Oh yeah, and Mother’s Day is in May. Then last year, one of my aunts, with whom I was extremely close to passed away. Her birthday also happens to be in May.

Needless to say, I tend to go into May with a ton of optimism, only to be met with overwhelming sadness, dread, and anxiety OR I go into the month trying to distract and numb by overworking and overindulging in my spending habits, mostly in expectation and anticipation of feeling every/any emotion possible. This May, I have felt myself feeling all kinds of emotions. In response, I am doing a combination of these named behaviors.

As I do with all months, I began setting goals and intentions for May. I have decided to share some of my intentions, as I hope to navigate with healing energy and peace in the form of a letter.

Dear May,

I let go of hesitance and lethargy as I move into this month. I acknowledge the necessary healing you force me to confront head-on. Mostly, because I know it is important to feel what I feel – be it anger, sadness, fear, numbness, grief, or any pain.

I accept support from my loved ones. I am self-compassionate. I am gentle with myself and others.

You hold celebrations of motherhood and womanhood. May you remind me I come from a lineage of powerful Black queens, who moved mountains and achieved great feats. I am surrounded by many other amazing women who deserve celebration, also. I shower them with gratitude for the nurturing they do to so many. Often times, myself included.

I am the torch bearer of a legacy set before me. A foundation has been laid. I must build.

The rain of April, I hope is in the past. Your nods to summer nights, flowers in bloom, and warm ocean breezes make me wait in anticipation of abundant blessings preparing to enter this month. This year has been a consistent strategy to experience my life intentionally. The life I seek to build is in my grasp. It comes to me with ease. Your beauty allows me to enjoy all it holds.

I am real with myself. I express myself creatively. I channel my emotions in healthy ways.

My mom wanted me to live a full and happy life, spent loving on God’s people and especially my loved ones. She wanted me to spend joy and BE a miracle. Not just be Miracle. (Though, I plan to do BOTH!) Fear and doubt do not live in May. Only adventure and courageous actions inspired by purpose.

Thank you for your warmth, in advance. I am a child of the sun and positivity pours from me. While I expect feelings of grief to complicate my efforts to exude my best possible self, I experience joy, productivity, love, adventure, creativity, and above all else…healing.

With Love,

Miracle